Friday, November 11, 2005

Mother in Law Dilemma

by Flamingoliya

I heard of a man who divorced his wife because of many reasons but mainly because she doesn’t want to live with her mother in law. Some men insist on living with their mothers because one might be an only child. But in this case, he’s not. His mother is surrounded by her children and grand children.

Would you marry an only child?
Would you marry an only child whose mom passed away?

Would you marry a man who wants to live with his mom for the rest of his life?
Do you mind living with your mother in law, always?
Or do you want your own space?

Would you risk your marriage just because you can’t take living in a shared house?
Would you agree at first hoping for the night you strangle her to death?
Or would you just give in for the sake of your man?
Or would you just set your rules and never fall for a man only if he has his own place?

Don’t tell me his mom is an angel. Living in the same house would eventually cause friction. Would you risk it?


NuNu™ said...

Would you marry an only child?

Would you marry an only child whose mom passed away?

Would you marry a man who wants to live with his mom for the rest of his life?
A big NO!!!

Do you mind living with your mother in law, always?
Yes I mind.

do you want your own space?

Would you risk your marriage just because you can’t take living in a shared house?
I might.

Would you agree at first hoping for the night you strangle her to death?
No I wouldn't.

would you just give in for the sake of your man?
I might.

would you just set your rules and never fall for a man only if he has his own place?

Q8's Biggest Loser said...

Hmm interesting questions n my answeres are pretty similar to nunu's but what about the other way round? would a guy mind moving into my parents houseif i'm an only child?

Salted-Caramel said...

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. No, but it depends on the circumstances of course
4. Yes, I'd mind
5. Yes
6. Yes
7. No
8. No
9. Hmmm..
10. No

Nice post ;)

meWHO! said...

interesting subject..i so interested to know what women think regarding this subject :)

q8Sultana said...

If it was possilbe to have like a completely separate appartment-type-thing in my mother-in-laws house (ie: seprate kitchen, entrance, everything) then I think it would be ok.
Ie: if both of us had our own little kingdom to rule I think we'd be fine :o)
But I think it's probably safer to be neighbors, or just live in the same block if the husband so insists :o)

I am actually an only child, and when the time would come and my parents won't be able to take care of themselves they would come live with us, if they wanted to. My grandmother is in a nursing home, and I am very much against those places.

Spontaneousnessity said...

hmmm, I don't know, depends on many things, first of all there has to be a reason if not a good one, it depends on the mother in law herself, I happen to know some who are in great terms with their mothers in law, my aunts are wonderful mothers in law actually, so I don't know, it also depends on how much I love the guy and how much he shows me he loves me too, don't know really, alot to put into consideration.

but I definalty wouldn't do it if it was just a husband and not someone I am in love with.

Desert Girl said...

There can only be one queen of every castle. Every woman needs her own place. If the house was as big as Windsor Castle with 500 rooms or something; that might be different. However, if you have to share a kitchen with her, it won't work. Marriage is about compromise. My American friend married to a Kuwaiti compromised by moving to a place within walking distance to the mother-in-law. Now, her momma's boy husband can run home to mommy whenever he wants and my friend doesn't have to go to jail for murdering his mother. :D

Judy Abbott said...

Some men feel responsible toward their mother and they feel that they need to be there for her when ever she calls.
Some other believe that if he got to fit his wife with his mother and they became friends he achieved the best thing in his life which is true.

I agree with being mama's child_to a certain extent_ Actually i adore guys who handle their mothers and can show her all the love and care she needs while he lives his own life.

Actually i will be her new daughter :)

MBH said...

I wonder why you're restricting this topic to women only.

I have been thinking for a while about the same thing: I am eventually gonna build my own house, but do I want my mom to live with me AND my wife in the house? Or is it gonna be only the wife & I?

I'm not an only child (total kids=2, inclusive), but that's not an excuse to leave my mom when she most needs me (us)! This is a crucial point here.

I am aware that clashes will occur, but after all, marriage is about compromises... you give some, the other gives some.

* Sorry to butt-in :p

Delicately Realistic said...

I am so busy these days but I couldnt resist commenting here. I didnt get to read everything. Anyway, I know this will sound silly and naive, but, I realy dont mind living with my mother in law, i actually prefer it, i wouldnt mind having a mother in law 'gashra', when u get married u are marrying the whole family whether u like it or not, so ur going to have a new set of everyting, and i would love to treat her like my 2nd mom, i know sometimes it isnt easy, but i think it will just show how much i love and respect my hubby. I have immense respect for mothers, all of 'em. I've seen different women and how they treat their mother's in law, and i admire women like my mom and mort khaly. They are amazing. What do they get in return? They are the 'favourites' and their children are also the 'favourites' Hey Im a favourite on both sides. Its great! And I feel so sooooorrry for the 'unfavourites'. I don't want my kids to end up being treated that way. Oh and one more thing, what goes around comes around, im going to be a mother in law someday too, so treat them like u would like to be treated.

I hope that made sense, was in a hurry sorry for the grammar and any mistakes.
I miss blogging!

MBH said...

Offtopic :: I noticed that the counter at the bottom counts the page hits, not unique hits ... so with each refresh, it adds up. [ma 3indi salfa]

Ra-1 said...

I want my own space! I dont imagine living with a mother in law no matter how nice she is :\

chatterbox said...

- no i would'nt marryan only child even if his mom passed away.
-and i wouldn't live with my mother in law even if she was a relative of mine.
-and yes i would do that for the sake of my husband but only for one week max.
- and no his mom is not an angel and sheis causing a friction :)

Judy Abbott said...

yeah actually what DR said is true hey if the mother was gashra! then her son would be one too Remember she raised him!

so if the mother in law was a naughty one then her son would be one that i wont with with min il asas :)

I agree with you MBH il counter yabeelah 6ag:P beny o benik it should be that way becuase il mokan khermis 9ayer !

MissCosmoKuwait said...

This subject has always been on my mind..i was actually wishing that I'd find the person who is mag6oo3 min shajara so I wouldn't have any in-laws...I know it's awful..but i've seen how some in-laws can cause damage...and yes...a very patient girl can survive...but I admit...I'm not a patient person...lil asaf...and I'd love to have a 2nd Mom...but the love I see with men and their Moms sometimes makes me the wife are sitting there watching TV and he the husband is lieing down on the couch with his head on his Mom's 7othen..and she's playing with his hair...I mean PALEEEZE..what wife would like to see her full grown husband life that...whatever she does...she won't be able to make up for it...all he has to say is "shiftay shlon ummi edali3nee...entee laish ma etsaweelee chithy..."....GREAT...that's all a man needs...two women competing to please him....ugh..I think I'll stop before I throw up....I hate that!

ok...that was a mouthful...!...

Love the idea FLAM!

MBH said...

MissCosmoKuwait, jealous from the mom?!! You can always threat him with 'no sex for a week' hint :p

Judy Abbott said...

MBH: do you really think this would work with now adays guys!!! Most of them would go for the easy way if their wife told them no xxx! he would go to his affair!

:) wela eshrayik ? ofcourse not the guys amthalik o sharwak..the type of the men we see out in this country!

dishevelled said...

oh no no no no no NOOO!!

Here's my theory on em.. don't even think of living with them!!

Seriously, mothers always seem to think the girl her son married isn't good enough! No matter what! Which is frustrating really, because the girl's family is just the oppisite.

Even in that, we girls are being discriminated.

And besides, I think I'd like me and my husband to lead our lives and make our own decisions, not my mother-in-law, which happens once you live with her!

If thats not enough, watch that did it for me!

Sty said...

Laish Laish Laish Flamingo!!!

7aram tiziliq il wirat bain il married bloggers :P

Flamingoliya said...

interesting :)

Mr.Tea said...

jad moshkela etha banatna tafkerhom chetheeh ! "i want my own house, mabee ag3at ma3a ur mom, labela banat el dera kelhom eg3adaw elzawaj fee meshakel akbar menhathee o bel 3ax fee omahat yoogfoon ma3a el bent 3ala waladhom o et3edha methel bent'ha ok ana "wa7eed" o saken ma3a zojtee ebait el7alna bas coz 7altee le madeya tesma7 o met'aked ena my wife lo agolaha ebnasken ma3a my mom bel3x betsa3d wetefaham wath3ee sara7a madree bas nasee7a latkhaloon lah shaghla togaf eb zawajkom wetha kan rayal 3agel ra7 e3aref ewazen el omor .

MissCosmoKuwait said...'s hard to threaten him when it's already out the window according to my married female friends who complain they're not getting it...why threaten with something you're hardly getting anyway!

Mr. Tea....walla ana 7asa eb khaibat el amal feek 3alaina...el kalam elee tigoola man6ik....bass Allah yesalmak.. al man6ik shay we al 7akeeka al murra shay thanee...I personally would drop all rules and regulations for a person elee yestahal...but since it's rare to find...then I'm holding my described a guy who'd be cool enough to compromise for...bass then commom are they!?

Sty said...

Just something I noticed, Why are all the girls so bitter towards the guys. Lighten up Jeez. Fe wayid nas out there yistahloon la itsawoonha salfat 1 in a million. Intow fat7ow 3yoonkum oo look past il mathaher (I'm not saying kil il banat look at mathaher) bas why is it that its always men who are the bad apples in a relationship. Tara banat wayid ba3ad ma yestahloon (akthar min guys). Allah yaster 3alaihoum oo 3alaina thats all I have to say.


MBH said...

Judy Abbott & MissCosmoKuwait, will it work? Well, that's a rather tough question: Religiously speaking, the wife MUST confirm to her husband.

On the other hand, if the woman can keep her husband happy -- I believe she could force such actions.

Now, you're probably thinking, happy? How? Men are never happy!
This is an even bigger argument that requires a research of its own!
But, I say if the wife is easy to deal with (mo 3asra wala nesra!), cooks great food (or at leat edible food!), smells nice, dresses sexy wihtin the house, acts spontaneously (drag the dude into bed instead of waiting for him!), then it's I almost assure you that she'll take over his heart -- I know she'll get mine!

Judy Abbott, nice of you to say ^_^

MissCosmoKuwait, I believe if your friends follow the steps above, they'll be in control with in 2 months maximum.

Don't tell anyone I told you! The guys will kill me for letting out the secret :p

dishevelled said...

Mr Tea, well if the marriage is arranged I defintely don't want to live with a mother in law... but if I married someone i WANTED to be with then I would defenitely comprimise if he couldn't afford it.

Ya3ni its not out of the question, but I think what most of us are saying is that we all really prefer a place of our own if permitted

EchiZera said...

I have dated a guy who was an only child of a single mom and MAM.... they are least he was
first, he had this paranoia that I was trying to boss him around or mother him...
second, he was just used to his mom doing all for him... not independent at all.. what is more, INMATURE...
On the other hand, two of my ex-byfriends (unfrotunately) had their moms dying as we were together... it is so difficult because in my experience, men don't share when they are going thtorugh a hardship...they just become distanced and you just feel unable to console... but seems that after their moms passed away they were able to have relationships again.. even more mature than earlier...but then again.. there is always exceptions to the rule.

Hope said...

every woman I know of who married a man that lives with his mother has a separate apartment in the house. However, there is the problem of "oh,she's always stuck in her apartment, she never comes and sits with me etc etc." I think living with your mother in law, or not, there is the struggle of trying to satisfy her in every way, and satisfying her is far fetched. You took her son away from her what do you expect!. I know of a man who divorced his wife three times (not all at once) because she didnt want his mother. So, some woman do risk their marriage for this reason. If I was in love with a man, I'd live with him anywhere. (eventually I'll twist things and make him move out without having him to feel that I was actually the cause of us moving out :P. Cheers ladies.

Judy Abbott said...

Mr.Tea!! la tejma3 ... me and DR said its ok ...beleive me its ok to live with the in-laws and you have a wiss miss milk thats why she will agree because if she loves you for sure she will love where you came from :) ya3ny ahalik ohma a9lik no matter how different you are from them bs bil akheer kilikom yekoon fekom 6abi3 wa7ed o metrabeen 3ala nafs il bathra.

MBH: im not against it Dude!! ofcourse its easy to please a man not by food nor sex with love my dear and respect.

Jewaira said...

Wives should remember that they will be mothers of sons. And mothers-in-law some day.

So how you treat your mother in law, will reflect on you one day.

It's not a bed of roses; when you marry into another family, you have to make alot of sacrifices- on both sides to make things work. Of course there will be ups and downs and some misunderstandings as in all family relationships.

A little more love and respect towards your husband's mother can go a long way towards making your life easier. And that is from my own personal experience.

Mr.Tea said...

Judy abbott : !!! enzain latzefeen ! :) sorry bs agsed eb kalamee 7ag elee emsawee el salfa big deal o yakheth hal shaghla 3ala ena hmmm madam 3enda om la khalas manee metzawja ! wela hmm madam basken eb bait ahala la ba6alna mabee atzawaj ! wetgooloon lesh e3yalna yakhthoon men bara lekuwait !!! :) 6ab3an ana wala'ee 7ag el kuwaiteeya bs lekuwaiteeeya DE3LAAAAAAAAAAA hahhahah (kidding) :)

Flamingoliya said...

Mr. Tea
those comments aren't from kuwaitis only :)

benQ said...

most current in-laws are university graduates and wont be as lifeless as khalty gmasha. Most of them know well that in order to please their sons they must treat his wife in a decent way and in case they really hate her they would just ignore her no frictions no wars nothing.
I can see why divorce rates are surprisingly increasing. Women aren't mature enough. a man must act romantic, take her almost daily to marina crescent, cinemas and in weekends he occasionally should take her to short trips to dubia and lebanon not to mention their summer vacation that lasts for a minimum of 5 weeks. he must buy her stuff in valentines, her birthday, labor day. she cant give birth in alsabah so he must pay at least 5K for each kids they have. she wont support him finically, because he is the man. After all of that, she wants her own space. HE CANT BE A MIDDLE-CLASS Kuwaiti joe, he must be a millionaire.

MBH said...

benQ, taht's a rather harsh attack! You're pointing a small portion of the community; They exist, but not much.

Judy Abbott said...

Mr. Tea i can really agree with you ina il kuwaitiya can be really de3la and spoiled i lived it ..seen it and i know what you really mean.
But remember one little thing (DONT setreo type) this what makes ALL kuwaitis Ed3al females or males... :)

and you can't say that since your marrid to a Beautiful kuwaiti women wella eshrayik??

:) by the way ana mo ga3da azef ma3ash ily yezefik takelna Ms.milk ba3deen;)

Sty said...

Actually Benq hit the nail on the head. Fe Wayid mo shwaya chithy who live out that kinda life..I've seen about 4 marriages that ended cause the man couldn't put up with it anymore oo il bint no matter what he does isnt pleased. Iw9ilat il salfa to having 2 jobs.

Flamingoliya said...

MBH I fixed the counter :P

EchiZera said...

I dated a guy who was the only son of a single mom. He was spoiled, wanted everything his way.. and had the "don't boss me around" complex. They are something.. but then, there is always exceptions to the rule :)
Unfortunately, as a hopeless romantic... if I"m in love I'll probably overlook the mother issues... and then realize I made a stupid choice :)

Tareqish said...

khal takheth wa7ed 3enda eflos o yegdar yefta7 laha bait .....:)

Flamingoliya said...

thank you all for your responses. I enjoyed them all. we all have our views, and although it's better to be cautious i'm sure that no matter how hard we stick to our rules, reality and fate play a big part. you wouldn't know who you would end up, if he's worthy of the sacrifice, what kind of a mother he has, or if he's financially capable of providing you with your own place.

and for those who think that us girls are demanding or vicious, i know men who them themselves DO NOT want to live with their moms for the same reasons i mentioned. they are aware of the problems that may rise. and husbands themselves could also suffer from their moms, not only the wife. suffer in terms of authority in the house, jealousy, etc.

one good thing though, is having ready made well cooked meals, and free nursery for children.

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